Playing to win VS not to lose

Recently, I have heard the quote “Don’t play not to lose—play to win” several times. At first, I couldn’t understand the difference. If you avoid losing, you should eventually win—right? But the more I thought about it, the more obvious the difference became, especially when it comes to reaching your full potential.

In any game, there are only three possible outcomes: a win, a draw, or a loss. When you play not to lose, you are comfortable with a draw or with winning by the smallest possible margin. And that comfort, I believe, is one of the biggest threats to growth.

When you accept a draw or a minimal win in a game, you often accept the same thing in life: an average outcome.

The Median Life

Imagine that there are trillions of universes. In each one, you live your life based on the choices you make. Every time you choose one path out of several, new universes branch off—each reflecting a different version of your life and the consequences of that choice.

At the end of your life, we collect data from all these universes and measure your personal success metric. Then we plot the distribution.

If you play not to lose, you end up near the median of that distribution.

The important part is this: you are not comparing yourself to others. You are comparing yourself to your own potential.

And that thought scares me.

When I think about not achieving my full potential, I feel fear and panic. I don’t want to leave anything on the table. I want to use every bit of my potential.

That is why I believe you have to play to win.

What Playing to Win Means to Me

Playing to win doesn’t mean just winning—it means winning big. It means taking bolder actions and maximizing positive outcomes.

If you are ahead, you don’t slow down. If the score is 3:0, you stay focused and push to make it 5:0. You don’t settle. You fight until the end.

You always do more than expected—at work, in society, in marriage, and in everything you commit to. You may already be good, but you constantly ask yourself:

• Could I have done more?
• How can I become better?
• I should work harder
• Could I be more courageous?

You become your biggest critic and your biggest fan at the same time.

At the same time, playing to win does not mean arrogance or ingratitude. You remain deeply grateful to God for what you have. You stay humble and honest, treat people with respect, and help others whenever you can.

High standards and gratitude are not opposites—they belong together.

Final Thought

For me, playing to win means refusing to live the safe, mediocre life. It means aiming for the highest version of myself, even if I fall short.

As the saying goes:

“Set very high goals—goals that scare you. Aim for the moon. In the worst case, if you miss, you’ll hit the stars.”